a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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