i need an iv and a liver transplant
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
