I'm so fucking centered right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
