Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hate all girls vehemently.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
