Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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