you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
