Pants 0. Shit 1.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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