My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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