so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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