You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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