my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
