he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
