thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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