All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
