Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
