we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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