I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
