Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
