I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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