you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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