I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
