I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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