he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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