Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she peed on how many people?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
