All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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