no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
