When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
