Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
