and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
