69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
