please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
