so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
