U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
