Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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