he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
