Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
