hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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