it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
