Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
