Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
