Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
