so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
