We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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