dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
