and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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