Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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