what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the condom got lost in my hair
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
