At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
