no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
