so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
