I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
