I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
